Behind the Lines
by ChiisanaAnisa
Summary: He's born again in her every laugh and she can peacefully sleep in the shadows of his markings. NarutoSakura.. Oneshot


**"Behind the lines"**

**By Chiisana Anisa**

**...o0o...

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**...o0o...**

Life is not pink fluffy clouds and bright red roses, and Sakura learns this lesson quickly although a bit late.

Pink - _is the color of her hair and she hates it with passion _- fluffy clouds don't last that long, they are too fleeting and too free for her to love them and bright red roses only remind her of blood that has been spilled too many times for her to count.

When Uchiha - _there's no more Sasuke-kun _- left she fell apart, so utterly and completely she thought she was never going to be put together again. She spent her nights crying till her pillows looked as if they were made out of water, she screamed until her throat grew sore and painful and she kicked and kicked until she couldn't move.

The numbness of it all made her feel so empty and so broken that she wasn't sure if she was alive anymore.

Naruto left not so long after and Sakura died a little death in the darkness of her room because she didn't think herself worthy enough to say goodbye. Days passed and while she tried to feel better, memories and the past wouldn't leave her alone, instead forcing her to remember and to feel.

And then there he was - _a flash of blonde hair _- just behind her in the store, but only a memory; in her mirror - _bright blue eyes on a summer day _- in the morning but only in her mind; on the bridge - _protesting and complaining _- only an illusion. Every pearly smile makes her breath hitch in her throat, every 'Sakura-chan' imagined makes her heart break all over again. Nonetheless, Sakura carries on, hoping and waiting, dreaming and wanting, hating and loving...

One day Sakura takes those little pieces of her broken heart and puts them in her blood, in a try to keep them still in her and in a hope that someone will put them back together.

She doesn't admit to herself that she needs Naruto to be that someone.

**...o0o...**

She spent two years of night watching by the Konoha gates in case one of them, or both, should return home - _to her_, safe and sound, maybe a bit battered and injured and bloody but home. Those nightly patrols and useless waiting made her feel like she was slowly, bit by bit, bared to her skin, stripped naked and left with nothing more but the wind that smoothed her aching bones and tears that tried to wash away the endless sorrow.

She waits.

And waits.

And waits.

Finally one cold, winter day the waiting pays off. The Sun is just about to set down for the day when one lone figure appears on the horizon and Sakura stands up, her muscles stiff and sore. Her sparkling eyes watch carefully the movements to recognize who is approaching and tears sprung in the open when she realizes it is Naruto.

As soon as he nears her she jumps at him, all tears and relieved smiles and careful hugs and lots of gratitude.

Naruto remains silent and returns the embrace, trying to neglect the fact that it's not his name she's saying, and Sakura squeezing tighter so she wouldn't say his name and undo them both.

**...o0o...**

It takes four months - _too long, too long, they both muse _- for her to ask him what happened and when she finally does she's sorry that she did. She does not want to hear him say that Sasuke lost himself completely to his anger and his revenge or that the fox was forced to end his misery. She does not want to hear that the last words Sasuke said was for Naruto to take care of her.

But she hears it all, and Naruto tells it with his back turned to her for the first time and so far away from her that she thinks he's just as Sasuke - _out of her reach_, standing by the window and for the first time Sakura can hear the sound of maturity in his voice that doesn't belong there, not quite yet.

And for the first time, Naruto doesn't offer her a shoulder to cry on, or a bright smile.

She cries again that night, although she's not sure if she's crying for Sasuke, Naruto or herself.

**...o0o...**

And time goes by.

Day by day, month by month - _too quickly, too slowly _- till one whole year passes. And they become closer then ever before, sitting at the ramen restaurant, sometimes joking or remembering, sometimes in silence that speaks more than words and sometimes.. Sometimes she speaks while he listens with that old spark in his eyes and she feels the happiest she has been in a very long time.

It takes a lot of joined effort from both of them to start healing - _or pretend that they are_, to stitch up the friendship that was torn apart, to glue together the broken pieces of themselves in a try to be better, stronger, more, just _more_. They make it, they become more, barely, but just enough for both of them to feel that something shifted, something changed and transformed before their very eyes, and they both neglect the fact that their friendship is no more, but instead there is something they both fear to confess.

Sakura knows, she knows that this time around she is the one that does all the chasing and he's the one that ignores her and she can't shake the feeling that she's going to fail in this too, just like she did before, and then, and before and.. Now.

He's not anymore the Naruto she knew - she can see the changes so clearly written on him and it pains her even more then the fact Sasuke is dead, because the prodigy kid is really dead, and this one before her is alive, but not, and she's not sure she can make him wake up.

She jokes and he laughs only with the corners of his mouth, his eyes dulled and sharped in hurt that wasn't so strong before. She cries sometimes and not once since he came back - _since that night when the truth came out _- does he try to comfort her in any way like the old Naruto would. She screams and hits him and he doesn't mind it like before, instead enduring it like he deserved it.

It doesn't take long for Sakura to conclude he just as broken as she is.

That's the night she cries the hardest and the longest she ever did.

**...o0o...**

One day, when she's too pitiful and too tired to try to get up she does so anyway and ventures out into the busy town, to mingle with the people and try to feel better again. Walking she takes in all the happy pictures of her home-town and stores them in a scrapbook of her mind just so she can hope to be happy like that. Sakura goes, step by step and unconsciously finds herself standing in front of his door.

Raising a hand to knock - _she knows he's home _- she stops and freezes. There are cries coming through the door that sound inhuman almost, cries of hurt and pain and misery and loneliness.

Cries of trying too hard, or not just hard enough - cries of failing.

She knows too well those cries and they touch her inside, they stick to those pieces of her heart in a vain attempt to convince her that she not the only one in this - they both are, and in the same time her mind mocks her for thinking that Naruto is going to be the one to first pull out of this mess they live in.

Sakura turns on her heals and heads home, head bowed down in shame and loss, because she's too weak to help herself, much less Naruto.

And so it goes.

**...o0o...**

In the end it shows, it is Naruto who pulls out first, wiser and older and stronger and, Sakura is afraid to admit - better than her.

Another year comes to pass and she's older now, on the verge of being twenty and sadness in her mind makes her fear the years yet to come. Those that passed weren't worth living and no-one can guarantee her that the ones to come are going to be any better. That night she blows out the candles and shares thankful and fake happy smiles with her friends and ignores the ice in her blood.

That night she sits in her bed, it's just beyond midnight - _she's fully grown up now _- and she feels so old, battered and over-used it's not even funny anymore. And she's angry at Naruto for missing her birthday, and she's angry at herself for celebrating it.

And there he is - on her window, a shadow of the night, he comes baring gifts and words of praise, even though he doesn't say anything. They both know that sometimes silence speaks more. But that is short lived when he does open his mouth and cuts her open.

"You really should stop that."

Sakura with her eyes already glazed over raises them to look at him as he moves to kneel before her. "What are you talking about?"

Naruto looks away, to the night, and sighs. "You need to stop fixing yourself."

One tear spills over the edge and she grabs the fabric of her dress tightly in her hands. "What? Why..?"

Naruto looks her then - straight in her pretty emerald eyes and she feels as if he can see all of her, even the hidden parts, parts that she locked away long ago - he can see all of her and she doesn't know if it's a good thing or not.

"Why? Because sometimes, Sakura-chan, it's good to be broken, if you're broken in all the right places."

Pieces her heart pull together and make their way to their rightful position as he carefully and with little effort leans in to kiss her and in the furthest corners of her mind Sakura can feel those old walls of ignorance and denial crumble and tremble, shake and fall apart. Piece by piece they shatter, slowly and almost achingly and she can feel herself become more and more elated, light and completely free.

That night, they both admit things they kept hidden, safely tucked away from the curious eyes of the world - _and each other _- and he gives her the beginning of something good and she gives him the ending of something bad. Just what they both need.

He dies and lives in every breath that leaves her ruby lips. Sakura locks herself and all of her secrets behind his sky like eyes. He's born again in her every laugh and she can peacefully sleep in the shadows of his markings.

And memories serve like glue to keep them together, somewhat whole and finally full, maybe even complete - because he's the man that came back and she's the girl that waited.

**...o0o...**

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**...o0o...**

**An:**_ I don't know. This is.. Erm - bad?_

_For some reason I don't like this one, as far as I'm concerned it lacks something that I can usually feel in my stories, a certain feeling. Not sure, it just lacks something._

_And if you expected fluff.. Good one, pull the other leg. Me and fluff? Right. Angst is the thing I love, so get used to it. But I do promise that the next time, (if there will be a next time) I'll try to grab that emotion I can usually feel and make the story better then this._

_This is just.. I don't know. (sigh) Sakura and Naruto are for me hard to write for some reason - I can get Sakura all right, but Naruto - no. Meh, will try to fix that, maybe._

_Till the next try!_


End file.
